


For the Best

by Do_not_careissa



Series: JayKyle Week 2020 [5]
Category: DCU, Green Lantern (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Comic: Countdown to Final Crisis (DCU), Depression, Discord: JayKyle Week 2020, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Jason Todd, Jason Todd Has Issues, JayKyle Week (DCU), Lazarus Pit Madness, M/M, Morticoccus, Multiverse, OR IS IT, One-Sided Attraction, Plague, Pre-Slash, implied suicidal thoughts and ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26896027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Do_not_careissa/pseuds/Do_not_careissa
Summary: Moritcoccus was loose, spreading, mutating. Jason had traveled across the mutliverse to stop it, to keep the "Great Disaster" from occuring, but here he was, watching as this Earth went up in flames. After everything he'd done, everything he went through to get here, he still failed. At least this time he'd get a choice in how he went out.
Relationships: Kyle Rayner & Jason Todd, Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd
Series: JayKyle Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953484
Comments: 3
Kudos: 87





	For the Best

**Author's Note:**

> For JayKyle Week 2020 day five hurt/comfort

Morticoccus, that’s what they were calling it. This thing, this disease that had been set loose, this plague. Palmer and the scientists tried to hide what was happening, tried to keep the “anomalies” ignorant of the full extent of the virus’s impact. But they couldn’t hide it from Jason, no matter how hard they tried. The others remained unaware, accepting the orders to remain in the compound, but they were getting antsy, reckless. They all knew something was happening, something bad, but they didn’t know how bad, they couldn’t know.

They hadn’t been there to see the outbreak.

Staring at the reports, looking at all the notes of the mutations and deaths and the spread, the image of Gotham, the city in flames, entered Jason’s mind. The others hadn’t seen the outbreak, but he had. He’d watched as people attacked each other, as cats and dogs and rats and birds and humans alike traded blows, as others were torn apart, and even more were infected. He’d felt helpless from his perch, powerless to do anything, to save anyone. If he intervened, if he got infected, he’d never make it home.

As much as the others might dislike him, if not outright hate him, he couldn’t live with himself if he spread this disease to them.

Then again, he wouldn’t really have to live with it, would he? At some point Jason Todd would cease to exist, and in his place would be whatever mutated monster he became.

It made him wonder why Kyle had even bothered to find him, why he’d brought him back to the compound with the others. The Green Lantern had made no seret of his dislike for Jason. Hell, he’d made comments about leaving him behind on plenty of Earths before this one. Why was this so different? If anything Kyle should be overjoyed at the idea of leaving Jason to die amidst the diseased and mutated population of this Earth. It’s not like he’d have to get his hands dirty or anything.

And it’s not like anyone else would miss him.

Bruce? He could barely look at him with anything other than disgust. Sometimes he wondered if it’d be better to see hatred there, to know Bruce cared enough and put forth enough effort to really  _ feel _ something. Barbara and Dick weren’t any better, no matter how hard he tried. And the less said about his replacement the better.

Even here, with this fucked up group, with all its weirdos and random nobodies, there was no one. Creep, freak, punk, asshole. It didn’t matter what was happening, what he was doing, he wasn’t good enough, he’d never be accepted. Hell, they’d accepted Harley freaking Quinn faster than they accepted him. Harley, who had worked alongside and followed the criminal orders of the Joker for years, Harley, who had committed her own fair share of atrocities, Harley, who still loved her “Puddin’” even after all the shit he’d done, even after she’d “changed”. She could be accepted. But Jason? No, never.

He was broken, damaged goods, and that’s all they saw. They didn’t care what he went through, didn’t care that everyday he fought just to stay in control, to stay ahead of the demons that lurked in his periphery, they didn’t care when he was trying to protect him, trying to make sure they all got home in one piece. No, all they saw was some asshole loner. They saw a broken bird and they couldn’t even bring themselves to care enough not to step on his shattered wings.

Maybe it’d be for the best if he just left.

The longer they stayed here the more compelling the idea became. If he left, if he became infected, they’d have no reason to take him back. He’d be one less burden on the group, one less bad decision.

That’s what this whole thing was after all, one bad decision after another. Trusting Bob, traveling the multiverse, not going after Choi, not just leaving Palmer on Earth 51 where he was happy, none of it worked in their favor. And it was because of him, wasn’t it? Because he wanted to be a hero and stop the “Great Disaster”. Well look at what good that did him. If anything he’d had a hand in causing it.

He could feel his shoulders tightening, that all too familiar ringing growing in his ears as his thoughts began to spiral and his vision began to turn green. He needed to leave, he needed to get away before he did something, before he hurt someone.

The hallways were blissfully empty as he headed for the exit. He could hear the echos of voices bouncing off the walls, the others all together, talking about whatever they could to keep their minds at ease. It almost made him stop and reconsider, but then he heard Kyle’s voice, heard his name mixed with that California accent, followed by the laughter of at least half a dozen other people.

Maybe in another life this could have worked out, might’ve even turned out okay. But it wasn’t and it wouldn’t. There were no more second chances here.

In another life he might’ve even given into the thoughts that had been building in his mind, the ones that noticed all of Kyle’s features, that fixated on how he moved, how his muscles rippled beneath that skintight suit, how his eyes lit up when he saw something interesting. He might’ve given in, except Kyle couldn’t stand him, and there was no point in adding fuel to that fire.

He found the exit easily enough, the door still locked down. He could open it, he knew he could. He didn’t have all those years of training for nothing. But he didn’t get the chance.

“What are you doing?!”

Kyle’s voice filled the entryway, sending a shiver down Jason’s spine along with a new feeling: panic. And with that panic came everything else, the ringing climbing to a crescendo, the anger growing to a fire, the green swarming everything he saw. No, if he just held on, just a little longer, he’d be out, he’d be away. When the Pit took over the others wouldn’t get hurt, he could live with himself for however much longer he had.

“I asked you a question,” Kyle barked, grabbing Jason’s shoulder and spinning him around, only to slam him back into the door. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’d think it’d be obvious,” Jason answered tightlipped. “Or do you need me to draw you a picture?”

His back was slammed into the door again, Kyle’s eyes burning with outrage. “You were going to open that door and get us all killed.”

Jason didn’t respond, just stared at Kyle blankly. The panic remained, but so did the pain, the self loathing. What did Kyle care? He certainly hadn’t before.

“I’m leaving.”

Kyle’s hold on him slackened, his outrage morphing to shock. But then he gripped Jason’s arms even tighter, his eyes lighting up in that righteous fury Jason found so breathtakingly beautiful. “Like hell you are.”

“Oh  _ please _ , if anyone wants me gone it’s  _ you _ .”

“That’s not—“

“It is. You and everyone else would be better off if I weren’t around. Much happier too I’m sure.”

“Batman and Nightwing—“

“Want nothing to do with me, just like you.”

Kyle’s eyes had something there, something that looked like hurt and pain. Jason shrugged out of his hold, finding no resistance this time. He ignored that look, refused to let it affect him. It was all a game, surely, an act. Kyle was just trying to keep everyone together, like the good little team player he was, that’s all. He didn’t actually care. None of them did.

“Why?” Kyle asked, his eyes squinted as he stared Jason down. “You want to go out there while that disease is loose and spreading? You have a death wish or something?”

He almost laughed. The absurdity of Kyle of all people using that tone, of sounding  _ concerned _ about Jason while asking that question. He really was losing it.

“Maybe I do,” he finally answered, looking just to the left of Kyle’s eyes. He couldn’t look at them now, couldn’t bear to see that concern, real or not. “Now move aside and let me go.”

“No!” For how close they were before, they were suddenly even closer, Kyle’s chest pressed against Jason’s, his breath coming in puffs across Jason’s own face. His hands returned to Jason’s shoulders, squeezing tight in his bid to keep Jason there.

The panic returned, but this time it was different. He screamed at himself to get away, that Kyle would figure him out if he go any closer. But another part, a much quieter one, wailed for him to just give in, to lean forward, to take what he wanted, consequences be damned.

The cowl was pulled off his head, allowing Kyle to see his full face, to see how his eyes glowed that sickly green in his distress. Kyle seemed to deflate upon seeing them, running his fingertips along Jason’s jaw before the hand returned to his shoulder. What the hell did he think he was doing? Being  _ tender _ at a time like this, with Jason of all people, why?

“You aren’t leaving,” Kyle said. “I won’t let you.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jason pressed himself into the door behind him as he tried to ignore the man before him. Kyle didn’t care, this was all just for show. It had to be. 

Hands cradled his face, gentle in spite of everything that had happened over the course of these last few months. He forced his eyes to stay closed, forced his hands to remain loose at his side. He couldn’t give in, he couldn’t.

A finger brushed over his bruised cheek, causing him to flinch back. “I don’t know what brought this one,” Kyle whispered, proding the cheek to check for any breaks or fractures. “I get that this isn’t ideal, but—“

Jason’s choked off laughter cut him off, the sound wet and pathetic. “Ideal,” he said, finally letting his eyes open. “Talk about an understatement.”

“I know, I just,” Kyle looked to the side, unsure of how to proceed. “This isn’t…fuck, okay, everything sucks alright? And I clearly went too far at some point if you’re thinking like this. But come on Jason, you’re really just going to give up like that?”

Rage exploded through Jason’s being, and in the blink of an eye he had Kyle against the opposing wall. “Don’t  _ ever _ talk to me about giving up,” he snarled. 

“But you're—”

“No, you have no idea about the shit in my head. You have no idea. I’m accepting the inevitable, just like I had to years ago. I didn’t have a choice back then, at least I do here. I’m going out on my terms. You might not understand, but that’s your problem Rayner, not mine.”

“You’re right.” The words were soft in spite of the anger in Kyle’s face, the desire to fight back projecting so clearly even as he held himself back. His hands lifted, grabbing Jason’s arms. “I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t understand it. I’m sorry.”

Jason stared back, the rage running through him, demanding he attack, he make Rayner pay. But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t let the Pit control him, wouldn’t let it use him like a puppet to hurt people, to hurt Kyle. He was better than that, he fought to be better than that. He wasn’t about to lose to this  _ thing _ again.

“I want to help,” Kyle continued, hands running patterns up Jason’s arms, over his shoulders, down to his sides and up again, sending tingles everywhere he touched. “I get that it’s probably too late to say this now, but I want to help you. Really, I do.”

“And why should I believe you?” Jason choked out, fighting against his body as it tried to relax into Kyle’s hands, as it betrayed him. “After everything that’s happened, why the fuck would I believe you want anything other than my head on a platter?”

“Because I’m an idiot who can’t see what’s in front of me.”

Jason took a step back, then another, until he was at the door again, the metal cold against his back even through all the layers there. He kept his eyes trained on Kyle, paranoia surging through him at the man’s words. Surely he didn’t mean that in the way Jason thought. There was no way.

“We’re gonna make it out of this Jason, all of us.”

Suddenly feeling exhausted, he let himself slide down the door, his eyes staring blankly in Kyle’s direction as he approached. This wasn’t right, it couldn’t be right. Kyle wouldn’t, he’d never…

“Trust me for at least a little while longer, okay?”

Kyle’s hand on his cheek was something he’d wanted for months, but now it was mixed with something else, something he couldn’t explain. Terror? Pain? The fear that this wasn’t real? That he was right and this was all some elaborate scheme?

“I’ll make it right. You don’t have to be alone again.”

“And when we go back?” Jason whispered. “When we’re home?”

“When we’re home and we’re safe, I’ll be there. We’ll get you some help, okay?”

“And if I don’t want it?”

“Then we’ll work with that too.”

The two of them fell quiet, the hall silent save for the echoed conversations.

“The disease,” Jason said, feeling his muscles gradually relax against the door as the Pit began to recede. “It’s not stopping. If anything it’s accelerating. We’ll need to leave soon.”

“Yeah.” It seemed Kyle had already accepted that truth, knew that it was a fact. They couldn’t do anything here, they’d never been able to. And they both absolutely hated that fact. It was no secret that Kyle had a savior complex, Jason had picked up on that right away, and it was obvious Jason had a few of his own. Knowing what was happening, knowing they had no way to stop it, to help, brought with it the worst feeling either had ever experienced. “Let’s try to stay calm ‘til we leave, not freak anyone out. Last thing we need is more infighting over things we can’t change.”

Kyle sat next to him, close enough for their shoulders to touch. It was intentional, no doubt about it, but neither paid it any mind. It was for the best, Jason told himself, his mind running through different possibilities, different options for what he could do. Kyle grabbed his hand, his eyes closed beside him. He was still awake and very much aware of his surroundings, Jason knew that, which meant Kyle knew he knew. 

He didn’t say anything, just let his own eyes close and basked in the feeling of another person being so close for the first time in what felt like forever. Human contact that didn’t include fists or attacks or anger, when was the last time he’d really experienced that? He couldn’t remember, and he hated everything just that little bit more because of it. Kyle’s hand squeezed just a little tighter, pulling his attention away from the thoughts as his leg shifted to rest against Jason’s. The contact, the heat and weight and pressure of another body, kept him occupied, and at least for a little while kept the thoughts at bay.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone interested, I'm on tumblr [ do_not_careissa ](https://do-not-careissa.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
